Relationships, Boundaries, and the Inner Circle

​Lately, God has been showing me how to distinguish godly people from ungodly people and who should and should not be a part of my Inner Circle. He has also been teaching me the importance of boundaries in relationships.

I made this illustration to help explain what God has been teaching me, which I recently shared with a women's prayer meeting. Let's briefly go through each circle.

The Core
The Core represents our relationship with God. No one else should be in this circle except God. When God is at the Core, we spend time getting to know Him by reading His Word and talking with Him. As our relationship with Him grows and our love for Him deepens, we learn how to love others with the same love He shows us.

However, if someone or something else (such as reputation, wealth, career, another person, etc.) takes the place of God in this circle, it can have a detrimental ripple effect into other relationships. Our relationships may suffer because we did not have a good, healthy foundation. This negative ripple effect may last a short while or it may last many years, depending on when we recognize and choose to put God at the Core. Additionally, when anything takes God's place, it is idolatry (Exodus 20:3-6). 

The Inner Circle
The next circle is the Inner Circle. This circle is reserved for people we trust. There’s mutual love and respect. They are supportive and honest with us. We feel safe and comfortable around them, which makes it easy to be vulnerable with them. We share personal things with them that we may not share with others outside of this circle. We know they will be there for us when unfortunate things happen. They encourage us in our walk with God and are honest enough to tell us in a loving and kind way when we wander from our calling or from God.

While Jesus Christ was here on earth, He had an Inner Circle, which consisted of Peter, James, and John. Jesus shared with them things that He did not share with the other nine disciples. He was vulnerable with them. He allowed them to witness His glory at one of His vulnerable moments at the Mount of Transfiguration. (See Matthew 17:1-9; Mark 9:2-10; Luke 9:28-36.)

In the Old Testament, God allowed only certain people into His Inner Circle. For example, in Exodus 19, God makes it clear that Moses was allowed to come up to the top of Mount Sinai. However, if anyone else even touched the mountain, they would be put to death (Exodus 19:12,13). God had quite strong boundaries and consequences when He descended upon Mount Sinai. He was basically saying, I will only allow Moses to touch me. If any other person or animal touches Me, they will die.

God demonstrated that it is appropriate to have boundaries in relationships, and when someone violates those boundaries, there are consequences. In this case, they were permanently removed from His life. So it is with us. If anyone violates or disrespects the sacredness of our Inner Circle, they should be removed from our life. Additionally, it is acceptable to only allow certain trustworthy people into our Inner Circle. 

What other examples in the Bible can you find this concept of the Inner Circle? Share them in the comments below.

Circle of Influence
The next circle is the Circle of Influence. This circle contains people we interact with on a regular basis, like at work, church, school, etc. We are selective in what we personally share with them, which will be less than what is shared with our Inner Circle. In this circle, we have the opportunity to witness directly with them since we interact with them on a regular basis.

A Biblical example of this would be the 12 Disciples. Jesus was with the 12 Disciples on a regular basis. He was able to influence them and witness to them. He shared Biblical truths with them but was not as vulnerable with them as He was with His Inner Circle. Remember, Judas Iscariot, who later betrayed Jesus, was also part of the Circle of Influence. This means there will be a mixture of godly and ungodly people in this circle. So it's important to be mindful of what we choose to personally share with them.

Outer Circle
The last circle is the Outer Circle. This circle is everyone else we may or may not meet. There's limited to no interaction with them. Examples of people in this group are strangers, people at grocery and retail stores, people at annual conferences, toxic people, homeless people, etc. In this circle, we may or may not be able to influence or witness to them.

Additional Thoughts
People can move from one circle to another. For example, while passing out fliers around the neighborhood to a church event, you meet a new person (Outer Circle). They come to the church event and pretty soon they are coming regularly to your church (Circle of Influence). As the two of you talk and share, you realize you have many things in common and eventually develop a deep, trusting friendship (Inner Circle). As you can see, this person moved from the Outer Circle to the Inner Circle as the level of intimacy and trust increased. 

The opposite is also true. As some of us may have experienced, people in our Inner Circle may betray us, which then moves them either to the Circle of Influence or to the Outer Circle, depending on the situation.

It is important to evaluate our relationships periodically, especially those in the Inner Circle. Be selective in who you allow into your Inner Circle. Keep in mind that they can influence you for good or for evil. Remember keeping company with ungodly people will corrupt your good character (1 Corinthians 15:33). Evaluate their character. Write down their qualities and see if those qualities are godly or ungodly. Ask yourself, if this person is bringing you closer to God or taking you away from Him. If they are taking you away from God, they should not be part of your Inner Circle.